Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
