I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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