wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
