please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
