she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
