i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
