Old men and throwing up are my life now.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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