and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
