from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
