I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
