oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
