I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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