I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
