You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
