Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
