yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
