I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
