she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
