idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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