Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
