I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
