So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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