And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
