Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
