I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
