Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
