How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
