Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
