Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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