I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
