Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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