JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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