we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
