he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We named our party play list daddy issues
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
