I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
