I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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