He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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