Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
