Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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