Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
