Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently you make a good broom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
