Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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