She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A+ Viking dick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
