Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
