can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
