you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dignity is for republicans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
