It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I did not marry a roomba.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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