So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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