Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
