Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize