i think my tv is drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
