I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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