I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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