I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
