so that wasnt chicken after all
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
