An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
