I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
