I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
