pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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