I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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