I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
