I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
