Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
