you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
