I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
