I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
