i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
