I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
