I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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