you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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