This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
