are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
